I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
