I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
