So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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