okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
