Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
