Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
