Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
