u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
