we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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