Well apparently he's into motor boating.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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