So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dear god my vagina.
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