he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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