Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
