Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize