i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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