I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
