Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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