I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
