I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
