Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Randomize
