Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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