There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
