i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
