he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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