I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
