You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I need water and some morals
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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