i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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