Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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