Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
