i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I wear drunk well.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
