when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
