You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
