i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
