It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
