I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
