You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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