do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
