Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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