I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
