A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
farters have to be the big spoon...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
