Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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