i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
