Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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