R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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