Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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