My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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