the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
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My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
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We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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