Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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