I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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