I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
