but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
