Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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