I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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