How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
As shirtless as possible
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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