Already got asked if we're dating
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
