He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
