Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Is it because I queefed?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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