Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I heard we made out
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
