he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
