Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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