I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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