Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
