we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
