He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
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