4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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