you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
