You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
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We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
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if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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