The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
