I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
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Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
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The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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