I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
